The turnaround concept: Cheated or Challenged?

Good morning,

Cheated or Challenged? What a great TURNAROUND question.
Yeah, I mean at the end of the day, who wants to live their life feeling cheated, who wants to spend their lifetime complaining?
No one, really.
And yet, how many of us feel we’ve been cheated in some way? Maybe the teacher had it in for you, or the coach kept you on the bench because he was given incentives to play someone else. Maybe you’ve been punished for things you never did, or you didn’t get the ‘good’ looks, height, right body shape, intelligence, or personality someone else in your family did. Maybe you were born female, or redheaded, too black or not black enough. Maybe you were the designated black sheep of the family or you didn’t get into the school of choice because you came from the wrong side of the tracks. If there’s something that nags somewhere within…read on!
K and I met for lunch in Los Feliz shortly after my arrival in Los Angeles. Both of us in entertainment, both of us interested in the effects of race on America, we had a lot to talk about, beginning with personal stories. K is black, I am white, we come from very different backgrounds and yet we share very similar experiences. He is young, bright, full of vitality, humor, truthfulness and integrity. As our personal stories unfolded over lunch I shared my experiences as a single, white mother of a mixed race child, unending gratuitous manifestations and acts of ignorance, envy, hate and racism that bombarded us from the day he was born.
This isn’t just my story; it’s the story of thousands of women and single mothers raising mixed race children across the country and around the world. K listened intently as I recounted the incidents in New York City, Boston, California and Europe.
He had a wry smile glimmering within and when I’d finished he said quietly, gently, “I’ve never heard anything like that from a white person before and it’s compelling, really it is but that’s a sliver of what I’ve experienced since the day I was born. You see, for me, there never was a before and after, a ‘then and now’, for me there was only and always division, profiling, violence, terror, 24/7. from my first breath to right now, sitting here with you.”
His story was riveting. Growing up in East Chicago, bused to a white public school, no ‘milk’ money, he created comic strips to sell in the neighborhood to earn the 25cents to eat. Taunted, mocked, beaten up, considered dumb, incompetent, and useless K began to see himself that way and became a bully, joined a gang, did some pretty serious damage around town. Then, one day, for zoning purposes K was sent to an all black school for a week.
And that week changed his life. Instantly, he became a hero, the most intelligent, praised by teachers for his curiosity and his mind, and K found himself looked up to by everyone. He stepped into the role of leader and when it was time to return to the other school, he refused, stayed where he was, graduated with honors and won a full Physics scholarship to a prestigious university.
“I’m not happy,” he said, “that you had to experience those things but I’m glad you had the chance to experience a slice of the world millions of others live every day, and much worse.” His brown eyes found mine. “Why you? Why this? Why now?”
“I’m searching for that understanding,” I responded.
“Are you,” he said gently, “are you really searching for the answer or simply reciting the victims tale?”
I was silent.
“You see,’ he continued, “I’m hearing that you were cheated of the world you imagined for you and your son. It’s true, you were, now what? Feel cheated or be challenged to take that experience and find the challenge it has offered you, what lesson, what greater blessing?”
He paused for a minute, his eyes lit up as if he’d just had an insight.
“Cheated or challenged,” he said, “the choice is yours.”
Maybe it was his smile at that moment, maybe it was simply that what he said made total sense. A light went on inside my heart. A weight lifted. I actually burst into tears. My body trembled. I laughed.
“Wow,” I said, “cheated or challenged, talk about instantaneous turnaround! I’m not sure exactly what happened and it doesn’t really matter but something profound just shifted inside me. The facts remain the same but the information sits with me differently.”
He smiled. “I’ve never said those words before, they just popped into my head now. I guess they came special delivery for you.”
I beamed and my body shuddered a couple more times as the old victim whine dissolved into nothingness.
Cheated or Challenged? Your choice!